Here I am again. Feeling torn, frustrated, and bound.
This is me. This is my life. I’m not happy unless I feel inhibited by my organization. And this is me without any direct subordinates.
It’s confusing because it’s from both below and above that I feel frustration. And being flippant obviously only makes things worse. And always with the lectures. “Hey LT, I am developing you!”
I am all about being developed. But when it’s just a plain old mockery, or worse, you are just trying to cover up your own tracks, or to make it seem like you’ve got it all under control? I just can’t say I feel deep respect or resonance with the organization.
And when my face reads plain old skepticism with a healthy dose of snark, and you ask me “Are we good?” and then follow up with an uncertain declaration that we indeed are good… what am I supposed to think? You don’t have the time or the desire to hear what I really think!
That’s really the thought going through my head when I am sitting at my desk cursing the computer or Outlook or the phone. It’s not the inanimate objects, it’s the feeling of being voiceless. It’s the illusion of not mattering.