Azimuth Check: Yup, Still Lost

Here I am again. Feeling torn, frustrated, and bound.

Oh, I'm the crazy one?!

Oh, I’m the crazy one?!

This is me. This is my life. I’m not happy unless I feel inhibited by my organization. And this is me without any direct subordinates.

It’s confusing because it’s from both below and above that I feel frustration. And being flippant obviously only makes things worse. And always with the lectures. “Hey LT, I am developing you!”

I am all about being developed. But when it’s just a plain old mockery, or worse, you are just trying to cover up your own tracks, or to make it seem like you’ve got it all under control? I just can’t say I feel deep respect or resonance with the organization.

And when my face reads plain old skepticism with a healthy dose of snark, and you ask me “Are we good?” and then follow up with an uncertain declaration that we indeed are good… what am I supposed to think? You don’t have the time or the desire to hear what I really think!

That’s really the thought going through my head when I am sitting at my desk cursing the computer or Outlook or the phone. It’s not the inanimate objects, it’s the feeling of being voiceless. It’s the illusion of not mattering.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s